Sadly, I missed my deadline of the 1,000 word short that I so shoddily rustled together for the past Friday. Time would not allow me the ental peace to attack any worthwhile writing prompt and the late bug has bitten me over and over again.
So, I write in envy. I write in envoy of those who can step away from a piece of work and be confident in their mind that they enjoyed, entertained or are perfectly content not to follow suit. Most of the writing I have written is often inspired from other writer. I look into the detail of R Alanz or the sweeping epics of Kimberly and say, “wow, only through practice and a lot of patience can they do that kind of thing.”
So, I follow up several hours with coffee and no other will than my own to embrace writing. Then prior engagements and people ruin the fun for me. I find myself less engaged when I have a project brewing in the back of my mind, like an itch you can never satisfy.
Catching up on reading has been another one of my side projects. Books can be great escapes but, alas, I have become lazy. Friends would hastily dismiss my melancholy with a easily escape in alcohol. “letting go” as they blanket the phrase. However, when has “letting go” not ever come back with some repercussion?
I am now on week 13 without any true binge of alcohol or substance abuse of any kind, I feel at ease. My mind is slowly tinkering in the direction that I would like that isn’t focused on some emotional satisfaction in the depths of a wine glass or from the mouth of a bottle of scotch.
Putting away such a habit I’ve become more refined, focused and alert. Perhaps my sleeping schedule is offering up some assistance. Normally when I tell my friends that I am going to bed, I follow up with another few hours mindlessly wandering the Internet for some form of entertainment.
Bored, when I should be at rest.
In the end, I hope that the eventual craze behind my sad eyes will wash away. Studying, then expressing ideas as these has offered some resemblance of a mind that at one point was sharp.
Or I am rambling without any logical progression and must focus on my work.
Thank goodness for categories such as ‘babel’.