college drop out

When taking a trip to another state, country, planet. One must map out their trip as closely to any mishaps as possible. Granted, there are some circumstances with even the most extensive planning and preparation cannot mitigate the consequences.

If I were to stand on stage in front of a class, auditorium, assembly of my peers and potential children heading into college, I’d rehash the same wisdom given by many others before me. Set realistic goals, not only for yourself, but for any situations that arise. I made the failure to plan, when in my nature, I rarely make plans and follow them strictly. In fact, a grocery list stands as situational, a potential list of food to buy when I make my trip to the store may end differently based on mental images and memory of the refrigerator.

I thought with a list of classes, I’d have an idea of where I could go with the workload and move on to the next set, then, by the fall be half-way through my degree. 5 Classes, 280 school-work hours, 640 work hours and about six months I collapsed due to the pressure.

Upon observation, every friend whose ever gone to college abides to a strict list of rules, never once leaving or straying from them as much as possible. They went to bed on time, kept extensive notes during classes, turned off instant messaging and focused solely on their work. I thought fixating a set time to such pursuits would allow me time to get the full benefits, but, I did not plan for the accident to happen. From January on, I had a pretty simple schedule, after work, I had plenty of time to prepare a lunch, go to my mathematics class then back home.

Mid-week classes were longer as I had mathematics again, followed by my public speaking class, which teaches outline writing, speech writing and confidence during specific topics. Most of which, I’ve had for over 10+ years from exposure to other outlets of information. Then, I met a man at the intersection of  Boulder Highway and Sahara around 45mph.

With the entire passenger side of my car destroyed, my insurance determined my car a total loss and I began work on sending the civic away for good, but first, I spent a few weeks working full-time which in took away from studying. To make matters worse, I did not posses even a laptop or basic computer to complete most if all of my online courses. Struck by another car, without a computer and now facing a number of charges on my license I did what any sane person wouldn’t do. I continued my college courses at full speed while maintaining car payments and other duties an adult life may accost a person.

I blundered, after a small retreat to utah, I still had classwork to complete over the weekend. I missed out on two whole graded assignments in multiple classes. The grades I sustained plummeted, then, I returned on the first quiz for mathematics, drew up the paper and my mind drew a complete blank. In the complete silence, I marvelled at how serene and quiet the inner space became when I tried to solve for the equations before me. I had the equipment, but, I did terrible, I answered 4 out of the 10 questions, skipped on the bonus, turned in my paper and left in a frustrated flurry to a fast-food restaurant to eat away my pain.

In moments of failure, I often wondered, from the outside looking in. I receive compliments on my intelligence. Is it practical knowledge? Are they humouring my vocabulary? Am I actually low intelligence and I’m simply a pompous ass?

either way, I dropped all the classes, the car was hauled away, leaving me to make payments to a rental vehicle. that other car still haunts me to this day, along with my minimal payments remaining on my debt to college. I didn’t get any payout either from the government considering the funds were held up by application mishandling by the financial aid group.

slightly neglected, I walk away broken. What’s left to do? What’s left to learn? Is intelligence measured by a sheet of paper or standards? Or am I conceited to the idea that I overworked myself and nearly broke under all the pressure? either way, I can add college drop out to my resume.


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