That was, unwise.

Out in the cold of night, around 8:45PM, I received a wake up call by a side impact on my passenger door from a vehicle traveling 45 MPH down a busy street. Out of the corner of my eye I could hear my father and brother yelling at me, I saw green, pressed gingerly on the acceleration, ran the red light and stared into the oncoming headlights dolefully.

the impact hurled me into a full spin, instincts captured the wheel, I did not utter a word and adjusted my tires pressed the gas then applied the brakes at the apex. avoiding the center column of the adjacent street, avoiding other oncoming traffic I sat in the cabin of my vehicle, pondering the moment.

then I uttered an array of colorful language.

then, a calm washed over me. while my mind raced over the consequences, I knew the wreck wasn’t as bad as sending me to jail. my body was numb to the impact and I was wearing my seatbelt. the cause of all this chaos in a moment that would usually end with a good nights rest and waking up 5am the following morning to attend work?

a misjudgment.

I cannot get into any of the details possibly until after march or april once the court date has passed and all of the particulars are in order. I called in from work today to give myself a small mental break on the matter.

Frustrating as these things are, I decided writing about the experience is the best medicine in terms that no one else might understand. without my father there, I would have called anyway and decided on the best course, but, I didn’t run from the scene nor did I curse or scream. I stayed to myself in shock and called my insurance company. I have an inkling that they will not be covering much from the accident.

dear reader, I cannot explain this in any other way than an increased adrenaline rush from the entire experience. Does that make me a junkie? In so many words, I feel as though the veil has been lifted, the weight is off of my shoulders and I finally have a moment of clarity. no obstacle or frustration can overwhelm me now.

I’ve been in an accident that would’ve possibly cost me my life or even my mobility.

and the car continues to run. even after, I had to relate to a friend this morning via skype..

[7:55:25 AM] Mentally, I feel as though a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders for some reason. All of those near misses, speeding and acting stupid have finally caught up with me and I paid the price. I mean, a car is replaceable but the experience of an accident is priceless to me.
[7:56:30 AM] .: I’ve never been in an accident where “I am” the cause or the driver so I’m finding the stimulation a little addictive o_o
[7:56:36 AM] : ..what is wrong with me..

Indeed..what is wrong with me.

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